It’s been awhile

To say “It’s been awhile” is a gross understatement. Its been something like 7 months since my last post. In the past my silence would be an indicator that I have seriously fallen off the wagon, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. So what have I been up to?

Binge Eating and Weight Loss

4x4-progress-sara-2016In January of this year I was very discouraged. I felt like I was trapped in a lifetime of binge
eating and would never make progress in my weight loss. In February I really started focusing on NOT bingeing and cleaned up my diet. We eliminated a lot of processed foods from our diet and I think that played a big part in my progress. I cut out diet soda completely (this was a huge deal) and started to exercise more consistently. Since February I have lost 47 pounds and have taken back the control that food once had over my life. It hasn’t always been easy and I still have moments of weakness, but I am very far from the cycle of perpetual binge eating that I had slipped into in January.

Running

I know in my previous posts I had explained that I really wanted to get serious about running. This has become a reality in the past several months. In April I ran my first 5k. I was slow but I finished in about 51 minutes. Since that first race I have finished four 5K races, improving my time each race.

In June I decided to start playing with longer distances, and now I am training for my first 10K that will be on Sunday September 25th. I am really excited about this race. I would have never thought that 8 months ago I would be running a 10K this year.

Giving Back

I have been reaching out to women in my life that I know struggle with some of the same issues that had me so defeated earlier this year. Sometimes you just need to know that there is hope, and I am finding great satisfaction in helping others.

Also, I have started documenting my day to day journey mainly on instagram (look for sarabethjonesfitness). I have also moved my blogging efforts over to http://www.sarabethjonesfitness.com. I plan on moving this blog over to the wordpress platform this week as WIX is not really blogging friendly. I really would love to have you follow my progress there for those who are interested.

Advertisements

Improving

My week has gotten considerably better. The funeral for my uncle will be next weekend and I have made arrangements to travel up north for the funeral. 

I have not binged this week. Yesterday I could feel the “want” to binge coming on, but I did not give in. 

My employer has a rather robust wellness program. This week they announced that they will be footing the bill for a 12-week comprehensive nutrition and weight loss program run by certified nutritionists. I’m a little skeptical, but I figure what could it hurt. I have my body composition analyzed on Tuesday, but the actual program doesn’t start until mid-March. 

I had my second training run tonight. It was tougher than the first but I finished it!!  

   
My husband is taking me running shoe shopping on Saturday for Valentines Day. I’ve already selected which ones I want we just need to purchase them. 

I am a little worried about the weekend. The weekend seems to be a time that makes it easier to binge. 

Mondays 

This has by far been one of the worst Monday’s I have had in awhile. I am not going to go into great detail, but just about everything that could go wrong today has. 

My dad called me over lunch to let me know that my uncle (my mom’s brother) died from a heart attack this morning. 

He called me while I was stopping at home “quick” to let he guys that are finishing the drywall in our basement into our house (we are in the middle of a basement project – building a bedroom, office, and bathroom in our unfinished basement). I had no time to spare. Then when I got in my van to head back to work the garage door wouldn’t shut. It still won’t shut. 

After work I was able to sneak in my first 5k training run. My ankles and heels were screaming at me the entire time, but I got it done. I think I need new running shoes.  

 
Then I had parent teacher conferences for child #1 and then run back home with about 10 minutes to spare before it was time for parent teacher conferences for child #2. On the way to the second round of conferences I narrowly missed being in a head on collision with someone driving on the wrong side of the highway. 

My nerves are on high alert and I am extremely emotional right now, BUT I DID NOT BINGE. Honestly I can hardly believe it. It was almost like I was too busy to even be tempted by it. I’m not saying that is the answer, but I will take this small victory. 

There were some other important lessons learned today, but I am saving those for another blog post later this week after I’ve had some time to process everything that has happened today. 

I hope you all had a good start to the week. Tuesday has got to be an improvement!!

Weekend

This morning my time hop gave me a reminder of how I’ve struggled with my weight and binge eating over the past three years.  

 
It kind of makes me sad. It also motivates me. But I also know that I have to love and accept myself at 238 pounds so that I will accept myself through this entire journey. 

Today was a good day. I tracked all of my food and got 30 minutes on the elliptical. Yesterday and Friday, not so much. Though I’m not calling it a binge. Just some food decision that aren’t really weight loss friendly. 

Live made the following goals for this week:

1) 2 servings of fruit and 2 servings of vegetables

2) Start training program for the 5k I am registered to run in April

3) Finish the week binge free.   

I wish everyone a happy and productive week!

My Van

It may be a little strange writing about my van on this blog, but it came to me this afternoon while listening to a podcast. The discussion was about breaking the binge patterns and it occurred to me that A LOT of my binges occur in my van.

My van does not lie. It can almost with 100% accuracy tell if I have been on a binge. I have a 45 minute commute each morning and when in a binge I will stop for some sugar laden goodies in the morning to stuff my face as I am driving. I don’t want to bring this trash into work, so the “evidence” of my binge usually stays in my van until I clean it out.

This thought occurred to me this weekend while I was in the middle of my binge, but I didn’t think much of it until this afternoon. In an attempt to break this binge cycle I am going to stop eating in the van. That doesn’t mean that I can’t carry food in my van until I reach my destination, but by not eating in the van will take some of the secrecy out of the food I would normally consume in the van.

 

Heartfelt Gratitude

I wanted to thank everyone who graciously commented on my last post. I was very disappointed in myself last night and the out pouring of support was very touching. Today was much better. I was able to break my bingeing cycle and tracked all of my foods. I am even going to the gym tonight. These are all things I did not do in the past couple of days.

Struggle.

I have been quiet over the past few days. I have stumbled big time and I am very disappointed in myself. Since Saturday at lunch I have stumbled into several days of overeating and periodic bingeing. I have not tracked my food. I have not exercised. As a result these feeling of regret and anger are swirling around me. Why is this such a real problem for me?

I feel that the time has come for some external help. I am trying to use this blog as a way to provide some level of accountability. However, I think I need something more of a reciprocal accountability. Meaning, if I go quiet I think I need someone to check in on me and keep me accountable. I have looked into OA, but the times and locations for the meetings do not work out with my schedule. So, I have been contemplating joining TOPs. I just feel like I need some in person accountability.

Is there anyone out there who has struggled with binge eating/emotional overeating and has had success in conquering it without the use of weight loss surgery? I would really like to hear your story. Even if it is just a comment below. I am feeling a little hopeless right now. Will I ever be able to have a normal relationship with food?

Success!

Today is Thursday January 28th, 2016 and I have been binge free for 7 days. This also marks one week since I decided to start this blog. Thank you to everyone who has read, followed, and liked my posts. It is a little nudge of encouragement that tells me that this was the right move. If I can give even one person encouragement and inspiration from this blog, the whole thing is worth it to me.

One week may not seem like a very big milestone for some people, but for me getting to the 1-week point is a big deal. In the past six months or so I have been able to focus on an eating plan for about 4-5 days or so and then I would binge. Rinse and repeat. An even bigger deal will be when I hit 14 days.

This is what success has looked like for me this week:

  1. I have started tracking all of my food. I have not been overly strict with my calorie allowance, but everything I eat I am tracking. I am using My Fitness Pal, so if you’re on there feel free to look me up (sarabeth414).
  2. I have navigated through two work related lunches, an office birthday, and a meal out with friends. The meal with friends was pizza, so I feel like I get bonus points for not bingeing on pizza.
  3. I have cut back drastically on my one extremely hard to kick habit – Diet Coke. This week I have averaged about one can every other day. Which is quite the reduction from several diet cokes a day. It would not be uncommon for me to not consume any water in the day and my only liquid consumption would be Diet Coke.
  4. Speaking of water, I am drinking it….a lot of it. I think I am getting extra activity just by going to the bathroom every 30 minutes or so. I have a large 30 oz cup that I keep at my desk at work. I like a lot of ice, so I am guessing each time I fill that cup up it is 24 oz. I try to fill it up 3 times during my work day.
  5. I have been consistent with my physical activity. I took one day off this week and that day off I feel like my body really needed. Lately my heels and my calves have been bothering me when running on the treadmill and doing the elliptical/arc trainer. I am going to get into a habit of stretching; however, I think it might be more related to my shoes that are now a year old and probably need replacing

In addition to being binge free for a week I have also lost 5 pounds. This is kind of unreal to me. I am NOT cutting back big time on calories (1930 per day), but this is a similar weight loss number that I would see when I was eating 1200-1400 calories a day. I am really trying to not become a slave to the scale again, but the weight loss is a goal that I have and I think that a scale can be a tool used in weight loss.

I am excited for my success this far and am excited to build upon the foundation that has been set.

Overwhelm

The struggle with overwhelm is very real today. I want to do so much, I want to discover who I believe I am capable of being. However, I know that in order to do that effectively I need to take this slow with slow, calculated, and small baby steps.

I want to overcome binge eating, but I also want to lose weight and feel comfortable in my body again. In my heart I know I need to focus on the binge eating by itself first, but lately I have found that is a challenge. Up until almost a week ago I have either been 100% on or 100% off on my eating plan. Right now, I am tracking what I eat. However, I have my tracking app set to lose 1/2 pound per week. This gives me a lot of margin, compared to what I am used to when I track my food. Right now I am at about 1930 calories per day and I am 5 days binge free.

In the world of extreme weight loss it is hard to take this so slow. I keep reminding myself that the slower I take this and the more intentional I am the more I will be able to sustain this for the rest of my life. I had joined two weight loss challenges at the beginning of the year 1) 4-week Diet Bet led by Chris & Heidi Powell and 2) a 12 week weight loss challenge sponsored by our local YMCA. The weigh out for the Diet Bet is next Monday and I know I am most likely losing my bet, unless I lose 9 pounds in the next 5 days.

I am extremely proud of the consistency I have had in the past several days. Consistency with no binge, consistency with tracking ALL of my food, and consistency with exercising.  Somehow I have managed to lose about two pounds in the past week. I have still gone out to eat and have even had a dessert or two (without bingeing). This past week has been very helpful in figuring out what some of my binge triggers are. I have started to notice when the slope starts to get slippery. I know overcoming binge eating will be a life long struggle for me, but I think I am on the right track.

Last night I was able to get a workout in while my daughter had swimming lessons at the YMCA. I ran a mile on the treadmill and spent 15 minutes on the elliptical. I need to start a stretching regimen before working out. My calves especially were bugging me during my workout last night.

Today will be a rest day. I’m kind of looking forward to it!

Idle Hands

I am very nervous about today. I am home with a sick kid. In the past this has been a license to binge. This would normally be brought on by exhaustion and stress. I have a plan in place and am optimistic that I will be able to make this my fourth binge free day. I have just finished my protein rich breakfast and am chugging my water. I have learned that protein and water make a big difference in keeping my appetite in check which in turns helps me avoid binges.

I did make the time this morning to get a workout in. I spent 50:00 on the Arc Trainer while watching one of my favorite shows “Chicago Med”.

Best Laid Plans

This morning is Sunday and I set my alarm for 5:30AM so that I could get to the gym for a work out before heading to church with the family. Last week my running intervals were 2:15 walk and 0:45 run, and today my plan was to move it to 2:00 walk and 1:00 run for 30 minutes followed by 20:00 of strength training. I was doing pretty well until about minute 13 and I remembered that I had not used the restroom this morning before getting on the treadmill at the gym. I made it to 15:00 and then ran to the restroom narrowly avoiding an embarrassing  moment on the treadmill.

Afterwards I decided I would just use the 15:00 as a cardio warm up and spent the rest of my time at the gym strength training. I hadn’t done strength training in awhile, I forgot how exhausting it can be.

Now I am sitting at our kitchen table at home eating breakfast (2 cups of cabbage, 4 slices of bacon, and 2 eggs – delicious!!!). Today will be my third binge free day in a row.