Silence

I have been silent for the past 2 weeks or so. I have been stuck in my typical pattern of binge for 2-3 days, get on track for 4-5 days and then binge again. I hate it, and that is putting it mildly. 

I was able to drive up north for my uncle’s funeral last weekend. I am not sure what it is, but there is something about funerals that make me want to live life better. I want to be a better mom, wife, but possibly most importantly I want to be better to myself. I have been walking around with this intense hatred for myself over the past 6-12 months. I hate where I have let my health go to. I hate this path of destruction I’ve been on. 

At the same time, though I am reminded how great my life is. I have an amazing husband and a healthy family. Financially we are doing well and working to pay off some debt. have a job that I enjoy (most days) and the team that I work with is amazing. Sometimes I think I need to remind myself of all of the things that I am grateful for so that I can keep on improving myself. 

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